Comic Of The Day

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Joke Of The Day

Do You Still Know Your Math?

Kentucky Math



Abbott and Costello - Math


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Big Rocks

One day an expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students and to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget.

As he stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers he said, "Okay, time for a quiz," and he pulled out a one gallon wide mouth mason jar and set it on the table in front of him. He also produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?"

Everyone in the class yelled, "Yes." The time management expert replied,"Really?" He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. He dumped some of the gravel in and shook the jar causing the pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks. He then asked the class once more if the jar was full.

By this time the class was on to him and said "Probably not."

"Good" he replied. He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand and started dumping it into the jar. The sand went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked if the jar was full.

"NO!" the class shouted. Once again he said "Good" and grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it into the jar until the jar was filled to the brim.

Then he looked around the room and asked, "What is the point of this illustration?"

One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is that no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard you can always fit some more in."

"NO," the speaker replied, "that's not the point. The truth is that this illustration teaches us that if you don't put the 'big rocks' in first, you'll never get them in at all."

What are the 'big rocks' in your life? Time with our loved ones, your faith, your education, your dreams, a worthy cause, teaching or mentoring others. Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first, or you'll never get them in at all. So, tonight, or in the morning, when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself this question: What are the BIG ROCKS in my life?

Then, put those in your jar first."

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Working Towards What You Already Have

The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them.

The Mexican replied, "Only a little while."

The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"

The Mexican said, "With this I have more than enough to support my family's needs."

The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Los Angeles and eventually New York where you will run your ever- expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied, "15 to 20 years."

"But what then?" asked the Mexican.

The American laughed and said that's the best part. "When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions?...Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

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Quotes of the Day

Famous quotes by Albert Einstein:

"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton)

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."

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New "Yesterday" Lyrics

NEW LYRICS TO BEATLES SONGS - "YESTERDAY"

Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be.
And there's a milestone hanging over me.
The system crashed, so suddenly.

I pushed something wrong,
What it was, I could not say.

Now all my data's gone,
And I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.

Yesterday,The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.

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Lessons on Life

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer, and the youngest son in the fall.

When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent, and twisted. The second son said no it was covered with green buds and full of promise.

The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful, it was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.

The last son disagreed with all of them; he said it was ripe and drooping with fruit, full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life. He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person, by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that come from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

If you give up when it's winter, you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer, fulfillment of your fall.

Moral lessons:

• Don't let the pain of one season destroy the joy of all the rest.


• Don't judge life by one difficult season.


• Persevere through the difficult patches and better times are sure to come some time later.

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Seven famous people who survived bankruptcy

As the economy continues to look grim, the word "bankruptcy" is on the tips of more and more tongues. While being unable to pay one's creditors is never a good situation for a company or an individual, it may not be the financial kiss of death that you might think. (Just ask Donald Trump, whose casinos have gone bankrupt twice.)

A number of successful people have found themselves overextended and ended up filing for bankruptcy, only to successfully stick it out and find firmer financial footing again.

Here are a few famous names who knew what it's like to be strapped for cash:

1. Abraham Lincoln

His face may now appear on the penny, but at one time, Lincoln didn't have a single cent to spare. Lincoln tried many occupations as a young man, including buying a general store in New Salem, Illinois, in 1832.

While he may have been terrific at splitting rails, winning debates, and wearing stovepipe hats, Honest Abe wasn't much of a shopkeeper. Lincoln and his partner started buying out other stores' inventories on credit, but their own sales were dismal.

As the store's debts mounted, Lincoln sold his share, but when his partner died, the future President became liable for $1,000 in back payments. Lincoln didn't have modern bankruptcy laws to protect him, so when his creditors took him to court, he lost his two remaining assets: a horse and some surveying gear. That wasn't enough to foot his bill, though, and Lincoln continued paying off his debts until well into the 1840s.

Lincoln's not alone in the annals of bankrupt commanders-in-chief, though. Ulysses S. Grant went bankrupt after leaving office when a partner in an investment-banking venture swindled him.

Thomas Jefferson filed for bankruptcy several times, including after leaving office, possibly because he threw around a lot of cash on food and wine.

William McKinley went bankrupt while serving as Ohio's governor in 1893; he was $130,000 in the red before eventually straightening out with the help of friends. He won the White House just three years later.

2. Henry Ford

Speculation abounds about the future of the Big Three motor companies, leading some observers to wonder what Henry Ford would think of this financial peril. Ford actually couldn't be too judgmental, though, because he was no stranger to debt himself.

In 1899 the young mechanic and engineer started the Detroit Automobile Company with the backing of three prominent politicians. Ford hadn't quite mastered the innovation and production techniques that would eventually make him rich, though. Over the next two years, Ford proved to be too much of a perfectionist, and his plant only produced 20 cars as he painstakingly tinkered with designs.

The enterprise went bankrupt in 1901 and reorganized into the Henry Ford Company later that year. Ford eventually left that group and finally got things right in 1903, when he founded the Ford Motor Company. Things didn't go so badly for the Henry Ford Company after he left, either; it changed its name into one you might find a bit more recognizable: the Cadillac Automobile Company.

Ford wasn't the only auto magnate who knew how bankruptcy felt, though. General Motors founder William Crapo Durant took a massive hit during the Great Depression that saw his fortune fall from $120 million to bankruptcy. He spent his last few years running a bowling alley in Flint, Michigan.

3. Walt Disney

His name may be a stalwart brand today, but early in his career, Disney was just a struggling filmmaker with too many bills. In 1922 he started his first film company with a partner in Kansas City, Kansas.

The two men bought a used camera and made short advertising films and cartoons under the studio name Laugh-O-Gram. Disney even signed a deal with a New York company to distribute the films he was producing. That arrangement didn't work out so well, though, as the distributor cheated Disney's studio.

Without the distributor's cash, Disney couldn't cover his overhead, and his studio went bankrupt in 1923. He then left Kansas City for Hollywood, and after a series of increasingly successful creations, Disney debuted a new character named Mickey Mouse in 1928.

4. Milton Hershey

Milton Hershey always knew he could make candy, but running a successful business seemed just out of his reach. Although he never had a formal education, Hershey spent four years apprenticing in a candy shop before striking out on his own in Philadelphia in 1876.

Six years later, his shop went under, as did a subsequent attempt to peddle sweets in New York City. Hershey then returned home to Lancaster, Pennsylvania, where he pioneered the use of fresh milk in caramel productions and founded the successful Lancaster Caramel Company.

In 1900 he sold the caramel company for $1 million so he could focus on perfecting a milk chocolate formula. Once he finally nailed the recipe down, he was too rich (and too flush with delicious chocolate) for anyone to remember the flops of his early candy ventures.

5. Burt Reynolds

Burt Reynolds was one of Hollywood's biggest stars of the 1970s. Unfortunately, though, he spent money like his career would never hit a downswing. He owned mansions on both coasts, a helicopter, and a lavish Florida ranch.

Gradually, his financial situation got grimmer as he made boneheaded career choices and weathered a pricey divorce from Loni Anderson. By 1996, the Bandit owed $10 million to his creditors, and the royalties from "Cop and a Half" just weren't flowing in quickly enough. Reynolds declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy, from which he emerged in 1998.

Not only did he not have to sell his trademark mustache at auction to pay his bills, Reynolds even got to keep his Florida estate, Valhalla. This homestead exemption raised the ire of some observers who didn't think hanging on to a $2.5 million mansion while writing off $8 million in debt was quite in the spirit of bankruptcy laws' provisions about keeping one's home.

In fact, when the Senate passed measures tightening these loopholes in 2001, Reynolds' keeping his ranch was one of the examples they used to decry bankruptcy proceedings as going too easy on the wealthy. "There is no greater bankruptcy abuse than this," said Wisconsin Senator Herb Kohl.

6. H.J. Heinz

When Heinz was just 25 years old, he and two partners began a company that made horseradish. As the legend goes, the spicy root was the first of Heinz's famed 57 varieties, but it wasn't as lucrative as he'd hoped. A business panic in 1875 bankrupted his enterprise, but Heinz's passion for condiments remained strong.

The very next year, Heinz got together with his brother and a cousin to start a new company in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The reorganized group started making ketchup, and the business took off. Last year the H.J. Heinz Company had over $10 billion in revenue.

7. P.T. Barnum

Famous showman P.T. Barnum was always quick with a quip, but he wasn't so snappy about paying back his loans. Although he was successful showing off oddities in New York and around the globe, Barnum had a habit of borrowing cash from anyone who would open their wallet for him.

He'd use these funds to buy real estate, particularly around Bridgeport, Connecticut, where he was trying to foster industrial development. Unfortunately for Barnum, he went too far with borrowed cash, and in 1855, things bottomed out. Barnum was bankrupt and owed his creditors nearly half a million dollars.

Barnum didn't give up, though, and he slowly worked himself out of debt over the next five years. The showman gave lectures around England about showmanship and making money, and he regained control of his main attraction, The American Museum in New York City, in 1860.

In 1871, just a few months shy of his 61st birthday, Barnum entered the circus business with Barnum's Grand Traveling Museum, Menagerie, Caravan, and Circus, which raked in over $400,000 in its first year.


source: mentalfloss.com

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Comic Of The Day

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Quotes Of The Day

"If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer."

"It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this date in this election at this defining moment, change has come to America."

-BARACK OBAMA, in his victory speech in Chicago after being elected the 44th President of the United States.

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Comprehending Engineers

Comprehending Engineers - Take One

An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. "Where did you get such a great bike?"asked the first. The second engineer replied "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said "Take what you want.'"

The second engineer nodded approvingly "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Lesson: Don't bother to drop even the most obvious hint, they can't catch anyway. (This is a reality! If you don't believe, test them!)


Comprehending Engineers - Take Two

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed,"What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us ? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Lesson: No emotions please, only practicality works here.


Comprehending Engineers - Take Three

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines.

They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is". The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:

One chalk mark -- $1
Knowing where to put it -- $49,999

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.


Comprehending Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
(and Chemical Engineers build targets that explode really well... chemical plants, refineries, etc)

Lesson: They build and build and build and build and... to compliment one another.

Comprehending Engineers - Take Five

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah.

If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."


Comprehending Engineers - Take Six

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out,"If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a TALKING frog, now that's cool!


Comprehending Engineers - Take Seven

A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders and dropping the tape measures. The whole thing is just a mess.

An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.

After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length."


Comprehending Engineers - Take Eight

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Lesson: There is no philosophy to talk about but calculations and calculations...


Comprehending Engineers - Take Nine

Engineers think equations are an approximation of reality.
Physicists think reality is an approximation of the equations.
Mathematicians never make the connection.


Comprehending Engineers - The Engineering Approach

Dorothy is very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She goes to the mortuary to look at her dearly departed and the instant she sees him she starts wailing and crying.

One of the attendants rushes up to comfort her. Through her tears she explains that she was upset because Albert was wearing a black suit and that it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.

The attendant apologizes and explains that they always put the bodies in a black suit as a matter of course, but he'd see what he could do. The next day Dorothy returns to the mortuary to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day.

When the attendant pulls back the curtain, Dorothy manages to smile through her tears as Albert is now wearing a smart blue suit. She asks the attendant, "How did you manage to get hold of that beautiful blue suit?"

"Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband's size was brought in and he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit," the attendant replied.

He continued, "After that it was simply a matter of swapping the heads around."

... engineers are generally famous for their understanding of and attention to others' feelings...


Comprehending Engineers - The Original Designer

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designer of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually, it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Lesson: All of them have their own theories. None for believing!


Comprehending Engineers - Engineers and Accountants

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all Three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.

He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers buy no tickets at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "ticket please."


Comprehending Engineers - Software Completion

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Software Engineers believe that "if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

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Riches Within Your Reach

Riches, in all its forms, are within my reach.I will reach for and receive my share.

There's an old fable about a man who was riding across the desert at night. As he crossed a riverbed, a voice came out of the darkness ordering him to halt. The voice then said, "Now, get off your camel." The man did so. The voice then said, "Pick up some gravel from the riverbed." The man complied. Finally the voice said, "Now mount and ride on. In the morning you'll be both glad and sorry."



As the sun rose, the rider looked at what he had picked up and discovered it was not gravel at all but a handful of precious gems! As the voice had said, he was both glad and sorry. Glad he had picked up a few and sorry he had not carried more. Like most fables, this one is based on human nature and has specific meaning for those fortunate to live in this land of opportunity.



Most of us are like the man in the fable. We are glad we have such a high standard of living but still have some regrets. Regrets because many never realize that financial independence has nothing to do with the amount of money you can earn, but only with what you do with the funds you possess.



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Riches Within Your Reach

Riches, in all its forms, are within my reach. I will reach for and receive my share.

There's an old fable about a man who was riding across the desert at night. As he crossed a riverbed, a voice came out of the darkness ordering him to halt. The voice then said, "Now, get off your camel." The man did so. The voice then said, "Pick up some gravel from the riverbed." The man complied. Finally the voice said, "Now mount and ride on. In the morning you'll be both glad and sorry."

As the sun rose, the rider looked at what he had picked up and discovered it was not gravel at all but a handful of precious gems! As the voice had said, he was both glad and sorry. Glad he had picked up a few and sorry he had not carried more. Like most fables, this one is based on human nature and has specific meaning for those fortunate to live in this land of opportunity.

Most of us are like the man in the fable. We are glad we have such a high standard of living but still have some regrets. Regrets because many never realize that financial independence has nothing to do with the amount of money you can earn, but only with what you do with the funds you possess.

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A Tragedy or Blessing?

Years ago in Scotland, the Clark family had a dream. Clark and his wife worked and saved, making plans for their nine children and themselves to travel to the United States. It had taken years, but they had finally saved enough money and had gotten passports and reservations for the whole family on a new liner to the United States.

The entire family was filled with anticipation and excitement about their new life. However, seven days before their departure, the youngest son was bitten by a dog. The doctor sewed up the boy but hung a yellow sheet on the Clarks' front door. Because of the possibility of rabies, they were being quarantined for fourteen days.

The family's dreams were dashed. They would not be able to make the trip to America as they had planned. The father, filled with disappointment and anger, stomped to the dock to watch the ship leave - without the Clark family. The father shed tears of disappointment and cursed both his son and God for their misfortune.

Five days later, the tragic news spread throughout Scotland - the mighty Titanic had sunk. The unsinkable ship had sunk, taking hundreds of lives with it. The Clark family was to have been on that ship, but because the son had been bitten by a dog, they were left behind in Scotland.

When Mr. Clark heard the news, he hugged his son and thanked him for saving the family. He thanked God for saving their lives and turning what he had felt was a tragedy into a blessing.

Although we may not always understand, all things happen for a reason.

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Joke Time

A short story of a Filipino boy in school.

It was the first day of school in Washington, DC and a new student named Dagohoy, the son of a Filipino immigrant, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher began, "Let's review some American history, class. Who said
'Give me liberty or give me death?'" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Dagohoy's who had his hand up, "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good," said the teacher.

"Who said 'Government of the people, by the people,and for the people shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Dagohoy:
"Abraham Lincoln, Gettysburg, 1863," he said.

The teacher snaps at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed, Dagohoy who
is new to our country knows more about our history than you do."

She hears a loud whisper from the back: "Screw the Filipinos." "Who said that?" she demanded. Dagohoy put his hand up.
"General John Pershing, Manila, 1896."

At that point, Jack, another student says, "I'm going to puke."

The teacher glares and asks, "All right! Now who said that?" Again Dagohoy answers, "George Bush, Sr. to the Japanese Prime Minister during the state dinner, Tokyo, 1991."

Now furious another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!!" Dagohoy jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher at the top of his voice,
"Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, the Oval Office, 1997!!"

Someone shouts, "You little shit if you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Dagohoy yells, "Congressman Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, Washington, D.C., 2001!"

The teacher faints. "I'm outta here!" mutters one student as he sidles to the door.
"President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, Baguio City, December 30, 2002!!" Dagohoy responds.

As the class gathers around her on the floor, someone says, "Oh shit, now we're really in big trouble!"
"Saddam Hussein, on the Iraq invasion, Bhagdad, May 2003!" Dagohoy bellowed.

"Now, I really have to run," Jack mutters, heading for the exit.,
"Gloria Macapagal Arroyo again, Pampanga, October 4, 2003!!!" Dagohoy shouts
triumphantly jumping with glee.

Then a burly African-American boy grabbed Dagohoy and strangled him, about to give a fistful to a frightened Dagohoy.

Then an Asian boy stood up and shouted, "Hey easy on him. I'M A FILIPINO!"
Dagohoy then blurted out before he got socked out,
"Fernando Poe, Jr. Manila, January 2004!!!


Here's another one...

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students, the teacher asked the boy, "What is your problem?"

Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

The Teacher had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office.

While the boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he has to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.

Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think this boy can go to the third-grade. "

The teacher says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?"

The principal and the boy both agreed.

The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Boy: after a moment, "Legs."

Teacher : "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy: "Pockets."

Teacher : "What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"
Boy: Coconut

Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, the Boy was taking charge.

Boy: Bubblegum

Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he
could stop the answer...

Boy: Shake hands

Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy: Yep.

Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy: Tent

Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense.

Boy: Wedding Ring

Teacher: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy: Nose

Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy: Arrow

Teacher: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy: Firetruck

Teacher: What is it that all men have one of, it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy: SURNAME

Teacher: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?
Boy: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher:

"SEND THIS BOY TO COLLEGE!, I GOT THE LAST TEN QUESTIONS WRONG MYSELF !"

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10 solutions to a personal credit crisis

The economy is in a financial crisis, but what about you? Here are some warning signs that you have a debt problem, and tips on how to get a handle on it.

NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- Yes, the country is in a financial crisis, and the government has provided a $700 billion Band-Aid to help stop the bleeding. But what kind of first aid is there for your personal finances?

Financial experts offer these steps to help consumers climb out of personal debt and turn their financial picture around - even before the economy does. Here's how:

1. Look at the big picture. Experts agree that before fixing your finances, you must first take stock of your complete financial picture. Compile all of your bills and outstanding debts, including credit cards, mortgages, student loans, auto loans, personal loans and bank loans, and pinpoint exactly what you owe on each account and in total. List the creditor, monthly payment, outstanding balance, interest rate, due date and credit limit for each.

2. Pay important bills first. If you have to make choices about what to pay, prioritize the bills that are necessary to cover health, shelter, basic food and transportation to work or school, Bill Hardekopf, CEO of LowCards.com said.

3. Call your creditors. If you have missed payments, your creditor may be able to help you work out a payment plan, lower your rate, or lower your monthly payment, or even waive the late fee. Also try to negotiate lower rates. If you're paying the monthly minimums, then you're likely getting killed by interest. But some lenders may be willing to lower your rate if you explain your situation to them. Otherwise, shop around for a mortgage or credit card with a lower rate.

4. Transfer balances. If you have a high interest rate on one card and a running balance, consider transferring that balance to a card with a lower interest rate. Some cards still offer 0% for 12 months for balance transfers. That's a great opportunity to pay as much as you can over the monthly minimum and pay down your balance over 12 months. But keep in mind that most cards do charge a balance transfer fee of 3%, Hardekopf warned; so look for one that has a cap on the balance transfer fee. The amount you save on interest payments should more than offset the fee.

5. Quit the cards. If you feeling like you are drowning in credit card debt, stop using credit cards altogether. Often switching to cash or a debit card helps keep balances under control, save money on interest and has also been shown to decrease spending overall.

6. Prioritize paying down debt. Start with the credit card that has the highest interest rate. If they are all about the same then start with the credit card that is almost at its credit limit. Reducing your debt-to-credit ratio will improve your credit score. Experts suggest getting your credit card balance to less than 30% of your credit limit.

7. Bulk up your payments. Aim to pay more than the minimum amount for your loans, especially credit cards. The minimum payment might be a mere 2% of your balance, which makes paying off that debt almost impossible. For example, Hardekopf offered, if you have a credit card balance of $8,000 and your interest rate is 12%, making only minimum payments of 2% a month would take 346 months to pay off the balance and cost $7,696 in interest. If you pay 5% of your balance each month, it will take 109 months to pay off and will cost you $1,579 in interest.

8. Check your credit report for mistakes. For a free copy of your credit report, visit annualcreditreport.com or call 877-322-8228. It's not uncommon to find an old error that's dragging down your credit score. You can make a dispute by mail, telephone or online. If a corrected error results in a higher credit score, contact your creditors to make sure they know about it, and ask for a lower interest rate.

9. Get help. If paying down debt and cutting expenses doesn't seem feasible, contact a reputable debt counselor for help. The National Foundation of Credit Counseling (nfcc.org) is a good place to start. But look for someone that has a skill set that matches what you need, Eric Tyson, author of "Personal Finance for Dummies said. "If you're struggling with 'should I refinance my mortgage' a lot of financial advisers are not set up to answer questions like that."

10. Start saving. According to Greg McBride, senior financial analyst at Bankrate.com, the greatest barrier to saving is not the means but rather the discipline. Start putting a small amount aside in a high-yield bank money market deposit account or savings account. "Nothing you do financially will help you sleep better at night than knowing that you have money in the bank for a rainy day," McBride said.

Source: CNN Money

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